Gratuitous Cuteness

Hi Everyone!
Here are some new-ish pictures that haven't made it into circulation yet. Mama says you can click on each image for a bigger version, and then right-click on the photo. You'll get an option that says "save picture as". Click on that and save the photo where ever you'd like.

I had my 6-week checkup (and shots! :( ) last Thursday. I'm up to 10 lbs. 3 oz. and I'm 22 1/2 inches long. This week, I'm spending some quality time with Granny, Paw-Paw, Nana, and Granddad. More on all the hijinks and shenanigans from their visits later! :)

Love,


Vivi

Divine Secrets of the Baby Bonk- REVEALED!

I have been harassed by the sonogram paparazzi enough! FINE!! I'll give you what you want!

I am...

Vivian Mae- a fine young female fetus with all chromosomes present and accounted for.

Now please stop bothering me. I will make a public appearance via ultrasound at 20 weeks. All further questions and requests for appearances should be directed to my agent-mother. Photos will be released soon.

Oh, and would someone please tell Tom Cruise to quit calling? I am not becoming a Scientologist and I don't want to play with his freak kid either.

Sheesh.

The Bonk Report

Greetings, everyone!

'Tis I... The Bonk!

Mom & I went to see Dr. J (our fabulous OB) this morning. Mom has only gained two pounds, which made her really happy. And a happy Mom is good for me- those endorphins are like fetal crack, I tell ya.

At any rate, we got a good report. Dr. J tried to pick up my heartbeat with the little doppler thingie, but I was having none of it. HA! Take THAT medical establishment!

But Dr. J outsmarted me by sending Mom over for a quick ultrasound. I am 10 weeks and 3 days old, but crown-to-rump (which would be a REALLY great title for a rap album) I am measuring 11 weeks and 1 day. (No, I am not using any banned or controlled substances. Yes, I'll testify to Congress. But no, I won't reveal any other fetuses whom I know to be using.) My heartrate was perfect at 159 beats per minute.

We have a CVS on Tuesday. Sadly, this does not mean we'll be getting a drugstore where my Mom can obtain an endless supply of Starburst jelly beans. The CVS in this scenario is a chorionic villi sampling. It's a genetic test that will reveal (among other things) my biological sex. I hear there's a pretty fierce betting war on. Apparently my family members (Mom included) need hobbies.

Gotta go- supposed to grow ears today.

Much love,

Bonk

P.S.- Go ahead... look at me! I'm dead sexy and you know it!

The Betting Wars

Mommy's Email to Baby Bonk Family:
All righty folks... we are t-minus one week to the genetic screening, which means we are about a week and two days from knowing the chromosomal sex of this baby!Given that the members of this family are genetically predisposed to:
A) enjoying being right and
B) enjoying it even more when you can say "told ya so" to another family member
it is time to open the guessing pool for the great boy/girl debate.So hit "reply all" and tell us your guess. (Sarah, intersexed is not an available category in this voting...yes, it should be, but I'm trying to keep this simple! :))The correct party or parties get bragging rights and family notoriety as Nostradamus of genitalia.


The Responses:
From Auntie-Cousin-Rachel-
I'm betting girl. Don't know why, just am. However, I also would be happy to be wrong. You have enough estrogen that you can handle another male in the house, plus it would be funny as hell.

From Auntie Sarah-
I think you are going to have a girl. Who decides she wants to be called Max around age 7. Who identifies as a "boi" in college. Who transitions female to male at age 22. Who dates heterosexual women at age 23. Who realizes he wants to have polyamorous relationships with lesbians only at age 25.
Sorry.... I couldn't help myself.

From Great Auntie M-
I'm thinking girl - named Maud - who likes to read, sing Kermit thee Frog songs, and tell all her little cousins the facts of life.

More responses as they arrive... the score: Girl-3, Boy-0
Family members I did not have an email address for: use the comments section to make your prediction!

From the Desk of Baby Bonk

MEMO
To: Family & Friends
From: Baby Bonk
Date: 5/25/07
Re: Scheduling
_______________________________________
All interested parties are advised that the genetic screening (CVS) has been scheduled for 9:30 a.m. on Tuesday, June 19th.
The regular OB visit scheduled for June 14th will still be held.
Dress for both occasions is business casual, with the suggestion of easily-removable bottoms for those who will have to put their feet in stirrups.
You may contact me with any questions.
Bonk Q. Kiddo, Esquire
COO- Gestation & Nausea Division

6 weeks, 4 days, one heartbeat, two relieved parents

Greetings extra-uterine dwellers!
I am Baby Bonk. You may call me “the baby” or “the bonk” or just plain “bonk”. Just do not call me late for gestating. I was super early, thank you. (See Mom’s post about the positive tests.)
I made my television debut this morning and showed off my brand new heartbeat at 139 beats per minute- I am rocking OUT in here!

BEHOLD THE GLORY THAT IS BONK!

(click to enlarge)

I still have a yolk sack keeping me company like a sort of embryonic security blanket. I’m told I’ll have to give that up soon, but that I’m getting some cool new toys called a “placenta” and an “umbilical cord”. I was hoping for an iPod, but I guess those other things will do.
Mom is taking me for my very first test next week- something called a genetic screening. I’m freaking out because I haven’t studied and I don’t have any books or Internet access. (Wi-fi does have it’s limits.) Heck, I don’t even have fully formed fingers yet, so I guess I’ll just go in there and hope it’s essay questions I can b.s. my way through. (A method that served my Daddy well at Wofford.)
Speaking of Mom & Dad, they are doing pretty well too. Mom’s been having a little trouble with the hormones. Let me tell you, nothing will shake a fetus out of a deep sleep like early morning dry heaves. Dad has learned to ask the status of her tummy before touching her/talking to her/ breathing too loudly. Dad can also tell you the best places in Lexington to get ginger extract, candied ginger, ginger ale, chocolate milkshakes, or Starburst jelly beans at almost any hour of the day or night.

That's all the news from Lake Wombegon! (HA! Wi-fi, no, NPR, yes!) Much love to you all!

The Bonk

New TLC Show: A Conception Story

Where to begin…
Our Baby Bonk is due January 7, 2008. At the moment, that date might as well be January 7, 2225- it’s that far away in my head. I’ll have my second trimester o’ panic when it seems like this baby is coming TOMORROW and oh-my-god-we-have-no-crib. And I’m sure the due date will seem ridiculously far away again when I’m 37 weeks and bigger than a house and miserable. Ah, the pregnancy time vortex.

So let’s start with how our lil’ blastocyst came to be. Yes, yes, I know you know HOW it came to be- that was the one time you paid attention in health class, wasn’t it? I’m speaking in broader (no jokes or you die!) terms here.

Husband began asking to have another go at the baby gig ‘round about Thanksgiving. His biological clock and baby yearnings have been far stronger than mine all along. I attribute this to the fact that he does not have to actually carry said child. But yes, around November we began “talking” about having another baby. Husband was in the process of making some career adjustments, so I suggested we wait until those were complete. In December, he got me hopped up on the smell of Christmas trees and we gave it a go. No dice, which was probably best. In January and February, I stuck to my prior plan of waiting until we were better settled.

In March we actually tried and I was certain it had worked. Because I’m a GILLOOLY. Heck, I have considered sanitizing the toilet seat before each use just to avoid impregnation. And yet we did everything right and nothing happened. So let me see… two deliberate efforts to get pregnant- no baby. In my family, this is grounds to begin infertility screening. We cannot look at a naked man without getting knocked up.

My sister got married on April 14, and I’m fairly certain this baby was conceived in the days leading up to that event. We had houseguests on the 11th and 12th. That didn’t STOP us, per se, but I'm trying not to consider that this baby may have been conceived on the floor of my walk-in closet in an attempt to keep my niece from hearing us gettin’ busy. I left for the wedding on the 12th and Husband didn’t arrive until the next day. In fact, he arrived the next NIGHT completely exhausted from the drive and by the time he got there, I was almost incapacitated from a full day of drinki- I mean, cooking in preparation for the relatives. So yeah, the hotel room was kinda quiet that night. So it must have been before that.

Given the stress, travel, scheduling, drinking that went on, we didn’t think there would be any baby this month either. HA.HA.HA. Again, I’m a GILLOOLY. We shall overcome, y’all. You know those little tests that say you can potentially test four whole days before your period is due? Four of ‘em. Positive. REALLY positive…. SEVEN FULL DAYS BEFORE. That is some hard core conceiving, folks. Six tests later, I’m still pregnant.

We went to the OB Monday morning. The gist of what they said was “Congratulations! You’re pregnant! Now give us our $25 co-pay!” No, seriously, our OB is fantastic and we’re lucky to have her. She scheduled an ultrasound for May 18th and the genetic screening will occur about a week later. So now I have a to do list:

1. Pare down my diet Coke habit. If they made a DC patch, I’d be a prime candidate. And I’m sorry- caffeine free? Blech. Must find suitable alternate beverage.
2. Rob a bank to pay for childcare.
3. Buy some maternity clothes. My boobs are too big for my regular ones already and I figure I’ll need maternity stuff soon enough anyway.

Oh, and here’s a hot stock tip for the family. I totally recommend buying into whatever company owns Starburst candies. I predict the sales of their jelly beans will be at an all time high for the next 32 weeks or so.

Eventually the baby him/herself will make some updates. Right now we’re busy getting Windows Vista installed on the placenta and there are some serious glitches.